Day 101: Almost time to leave (and happy birthday mother) 13.12.10

I made my bed this morning with the knowledge that tonight will be the last time I sleep in it; a strange thought indeed. I was due to meet Charlotte for a spot of last minute souvenir shopping, though for a while this looked like it may be in doubt given that it took the best part of twenty minutes to get the engine to a point where it was defrosted enough to start. When the driver came and poured some liquid over it through a hole in the bus floor (sophisticated public transport out here…) I was interested to note that the puddle began to freeze almost as soon as it hit the ground. Incidentally, the washing machine in the house has apparently not been working properly due to the cold.

But anyway, eventually we got on our way and I made it into town in time to wander to the market and back via a supermarket for train supplies and Kodak for a disposable camera seeing as mine doesn’t seem to be reacting very well to the weather. A trip to John Lewis with the warranty may be in order when I get home.

Once we were too cold to contemplate any more shopping I headed to Kofein in an attempt to use the internet. When that didn’t work I tried Travellers’ Coffee. When that also didn’t work I opted for Matt’s host’s cafe, where I finally managed to get online and have a spot of lunch, if you can call the tiny blini which were served up a meal.

Following this I went to meet my Russian friend Симён for tea at the cafe in the cinema complex. He had very kindly agreed to look over my essay (or what I’ve written of it so far) and correct the multitude of errors. Thankfully there weren’t as many as I was expecting, so I now have around 750 words of pretty accurate Russian.

I skipped the afternoon’s ‘classes’ (they turned out to be simply informal discussions) and instead met the others at Dublin Irish Bar for a drink and game of pool before going for dinner. This meant walking for about 15-20 minutes from the cinema, which in -34C is quite a big achievement. I made it there without frostbite, though grabbing the iron door handle to get into the place was not my best move ever. Still, it was nothing a glass of wine couldn’t cure.

Once we had drunk up we made our way to Mama Roma; probably the best Italian restaurant we have been to here. As per usual all was great apart from the sour faced waitress who decided that we all wanted the largest glasses of Coca Cola I have ever seen simply because we were foreign. I ordered risotto with asparagus and prawn and was then press ganged into opting for dessert too; panna cotta which luckily wasn’t as huge as the tiramisu and chocolate cake ordered by many of the others.

The final stop of the night was a Croatian restaurant/ bar to meet Stas and Olya for drinks. As per usual Stas arrived late, meaning that I would only be able to stay for around half an hour before the last bus. Of course, when the waitress brought us all large beers that went out the window and Charlotte and I decided to share a taxi. Stas and Olya presented us each with a pair of knitted socks before deciding they would like to wave us off at the station tomorrow. We ordered a taxi which arrived at around 1am and headed home. The driver turned out to be from Tajikistan and insisted before dropping me off that I take his phone number for next time I’m in Kras so that we can ‘socialise’. What a catch.

Day 100: Risking frostbite for R60 Nutcracker seats 12.12.10

Whilst breakfasting on the most tasteless type of kasha I have tried so far (all I could taste was the salt poured liberally over the top by EV) the radio broke the news that outside it was currently -45C. Whether this was true or not I can’t say, but naturally I had to go outside to see what it felt like and the answer is: cold. Very cold, some might say. At the breakfast table I watched Anna eat a plate of творог (cottage cheese) with a large dollop of mayonnaise mixed in- not an appetising sight. Another not especially appetising sight was that of the newly-applied stitches to Dennis’ head (a fall on the ice perhaps?) which are covered in some kind of gangrenous-looking turquoise substance.

The morning- or what was left of it- was dedicated to essay evasion. My main tactic involved sorting carefully through all my papers to get rid of the vast majority (weight saving, don’t you know) before beginning the task of packing. I think I may have found a means of transporting some of the more fragile goods through means of a shoes box, though whether this will work or not only time and a plane journey will tell. I’d forgotten quite how much stuff I have accumulated; a matter which will not be helped by the fact I still need to buy all my food for the train journey.

A little packing done (much still left to do), I finally knuckled down to my essay, which by the time I had to leave to go into town stood at a not unimpressive 600 words. So only 400 left then.

On the way to the bus stop I made a detour to the nearest bin to deposit a selection of my discarded possessions, my beloved black Diesel jeans amongst them. Though I wasn’t happy about this, logic told me that they were now more hole than jean so it was probably for the best. I made it into town in good time to meet Charlotte, Jo and Seph at the Opera and Ballet Theatre for our bargaineous Nutcracker viewing.

Charlotte and I settled for the pair of seats located right at the top and to the left of the stage. The view was fine, though it’s a good job neither of us suffer from vertigo as it was bloomin’ high and the steps up to our seats followed the Old Russian Tradition of not being of even height. Still, for £1.50 I was pleased even to have a seat. The production itself was very pleasant to watch, though we found it highly amusing that when the soldier changed to a prince we were able to see the guy creeping along behind another dancer’s cape due to our elevated position. I don’t think it was as good as Swan Lake (though I do love the music) but it put us in a suitably Christmassy mood.

After this we made a very quick detour to a bar for a pot of tea- yes, I know we’re cool- before going our separate ways. I headed to the bus stop via a produkti store to begin purchasing goods for the train journey (cheese, instant noodles, plastic cutlery with which to eat said noodles, chocolate, a box of wine and all those other essentials).

When I arrived at said bus stop I was gratified to see that the sign said the 12 would arrive in four minutes. It also said the temperature was now -35C, meaning that these were going to be a long four minutes. As I waited, these four minutes became longer and longer and I became progressively colder and colder, until eventually 20 minutes had passed and the bus arrived. Any longer and I think I would have been in trouble- tomorrow I shall wear two pairs of tights.

Once inside the bus I realised the next forty minutes would be interesting, bearing in mind that I was still able to see my breath. As the journey progressed I began to get slightly worried about the lack of feeling in a couple of my toes: at these temperatures frostbite is a real possibility. I spent most of the journey shivering despite being very wrapped up, and as a slight feeling of sickness washed over me I wondered whether I wasn’t suffering the onset of hypothermia.

When we arrived at the end of the line I disembarked, every muscle in my body feeling like it weighed half a ton. I marched home as fast as the ice would allow and was greeted by EV asking if I wasn’t cold. Ha-de-ha-ha. Back in my room I made for the radiator before deciding the heated floor in the bathroom was a better option. Gradually the numbness began to recede, though I still felt decidedly unpleasant and upon closer inspection my legs were bright red and some of my toes a conspicuous white.

Dinner of cabbage and a large meatball along with a mug of tea began to improve how I felt, and now about two hours after getting on the bus my toes are beginning to feel almost normal albeit a little sore. I think I will begin to dress more appropriately now given the images of me minus a couple of toes which were floating round my head on the bus. The one consolation was my first lucky bus ticket in a while (194941), not that I felt so lucky at the time!

Day 99: Hitting -36C; why bother with a freezer 11.12.10

This morning I was up and dressed before Dennis or HG was awake, which is a rare occurrence. I breakfasted on kasha whilst EV sat carefully threading tiny beads onto an even tinier piece of wire; something which I assumed would adorn their Christmas tree. I explained my plans for the day before leaving to catch the bus into town where I was due to meet Leo.

Today was even colder than yesterday, with the temperature monitor on my bus route giving a bone chilling (literally) reading of -36C. Impressive. By the time I met Leo at the bus stop outside the cinema I was already feeling quite numb; a feeling which was hardly improved once we were on a bus to the Автовокзал inside which I could still see my breath.

Gary the Australian who teaches at the language school had arranged to pick us up from the bus station to take us for lunch in his flat. We were both incredibly grateful to see his Jeep (fuelled by Arctic diesel) roll into sight to whisk us to somewhere warmer. As I said to Leo, I think the cold is doing something to my brain and sending me marginally crazy- don’t say I didn’t warn you!

Once inside the flat we made the acquaintance of the family: Gary’s wife, three young children and their new kitten. They were very accommodating and quickly made us feel at home, offering us a wide selection of teas(!!) and calling us poms in as affectionate a way as is possible(!!). Whilst we waited for the pizza to cook we discussed our experiences of Russia (they have lived in the country for four years) and the prospect of our imminent return to Blighty (apparently reverse culture shock may be a problem). It transpires that Aussies are not familiar with the word ‘aubergine’ and a variety of other terms which I am simply too lazy (or too frozen of brain) to recall right now. Unfortunately we had to leave all too soon, but it was great to have had the opportunity to spend time with such a pleasant (and English-speaking!) family.

Back on the bus I decided to get off as close to the internet cafe as possible to minimise walking time. The sacrifice I made for opting to get off when I did involved almost getting cut in half by the sliding door as the driver decided to close it and begin pulling out whilst I was in the process of disembarking. I managed to squeeze out and jump off the moving bus, almost falling on the ice in the process but hey, I’m still here.

I killed a little time before once again the cold got the better of me and I had no choice but to make for the cafe. There I ran into Seph, who provided me with ample essay distraction (much appreciated!) until it was time for the final instalment of my weekly parental Skype session. This mainly involved discussing the logistics of my return and shocking them when I revealed the temperature- I’m a sucker for a bit of novelty value.

I now had time on my hands before meeting some of the others and Stas at 7pm, so I opted to stay in the cafe once Patrick arrived and simply order more food (blini with smetana). For some reason I developed a bad stomach ache shortly after (can blini give you food poisoning?) but managed to kill it with a couple of painkillers so as not to be distracted from reading about the tuition fees scandal unfolding back home. This in itself was a distraction from my essay but hey, it’s important to be well informed about these things.

Once Charlotte arrived we left to meet Stas at the Dom Kino cinema which specialises in foreign films. At his suggestion we went to see the 80s film Permanent Vacation, an art house independent piece with a suitably high walkout rate and smug introduction by some Moscow critic or other. The film was short enough to avoid being dull despite the numerous scenes of the main character simply walking along. Some bits I would go so far as to say I quite liked. Either way it was better than Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, though that’s not really saying much.

After the film we went our separate ways and luckily I was waiting just a few minutes for the bus. I’d guess the temperature in Udachni was even lower than the -36C readout in town, as within about a minute of disembarking from the bus my nose was entirely without feeling. I got back home and proceeded to warm myself up as quickly as possible: I’m glad the temperature has dropped so much (some readouts were claiming -40C) but at the same time I’m equally glad that it’s only for a few days.

Day 98: £1.50 is the going rate for a good bit of culture in these parts 10.12.10

I was aware that it was going to be slightly chilly today; around -32C to be exact. At that kind of temperature hair and eyelashes begin to freeze, alongside other body parts if you’re unlucky. By the time I made it to the bus stop I looked like I’d sprayed my hair white. Even the buses are no longer warm enough to allow you to defrost entirely, so when I got off at the Opera and Ballet Theatre to buy tickets for the Nutcracker I was very glad of the heaters in the entrance. I’d never realised what a luxury it is to be able to feel one’s toes, though to be fair I was only wearing one pair of tights. Now that’s what I call hardcore.

Anyway, it was worth it considering that we purchased tickets for said ballet (obviously not the best seats in the house) for a mere R60 (around £1.50) each. Once reheated it was time to make the fifteen minute trek to the cinema where we had arranged to meet up and see Rapunzel. This was possibly the longest fifteen minutes of my life and left me sitting in the dark of the cinema for around 45 minutes wondering if I would ever regain feeling in my extremities and if my earlobe was maybe just a little bit frostbitten. Luckily this turned out not to be the case.

Continuing in the same culture-for-cheap vein these tickets too cost us only R60 each despite the film being 3D. It made me remember just how good Disney can be, full as it was of comedy moments which were particularly appreciated by the three blokes (yes, adults) sitting a few rows ahead of us. Once the film was over and we had put on our many layers we were left with just enough time for lunch in Kalinka Malinka. I opted for the bizniz lanch which involved salad, soup, a main, bread, a drink and a pastry type thing for R170. Though I couldn’t finish it all I’d still say it was a bargain.

Despite this gorge-fest we managed not to be too late (by our standards at least) for the final instalment of the culture class. The time was spent talking about Russian superstitions and the Orthodox Church; an interesting combination some might say. After this it was time for our final ‘essay class’ which this week involved a trip to Perzi for an early dinner and shampanskoye. This of course was no hardship, though we did have to endure an extremely overcrowded bus journey there. It’s a hard life.

Having munched (again!) we eventually managed to get on the right bus to take us into town, paying a trip to the nearest supermarket for a selection of their finest cheapest alcoholic products before letting ourselves into Matt’s flat and making ourselves at home. We decided to make this our unofficial Christmas party with a suitably festive soundtrack. You really can’t beat a bit of Slade. When it was time to leave Charlotte and I shared a taxi which got us home in one piece, toes and all. And in these temperatures that’s no mean feat.

Day 97: Retiring early 09.12.10

I ventured into town earlyish this morning to enable me to run a few errands before teaching what would be my final classes this afternoon. It was rather cold out on the street (somewhere around the -30 mark though I still didn’t resort to gloves) and when I ran into Leo (not literally) I came to the sudden realisation that some of my errands were not quite so pressing and that I much preferred his idea of a coffee shop.

Having run the few errands which I did deem necessary I went to meet Leo in our agreed spot of Traveller’s Coffee, only to discover once inside that he had sent me a text saying that he was in Kofein instead. Standing in the middle of TC I felt like a bit of a spanner so made a hasty exit to join Leo just up the road. After doing all the vital internet tasks (Facebook, VKontakte, Hotmail, Guardian etc) I knuckled down to a spot of research for my essay. This didn’t last long once I realised that listening to Leo reading all the Shakespeare monologues he could find was much more interesting: boy could join the RSC! But eventually progress was made: a flight to Frankfurt has been booked (thanks dad), multiple forms have been filled out and Viktor Astafiev will be compared with Alan Sillitoe.

Once 3.25pm rolled around it was time for me to head to the school for the final time. As with yesterday it can best be described as bittersweet- I know I’ve complained a lot about working there due to my lack of inspiration but I will miss it. I said to Leo and Patrick as they presented the three of us with souvenir wooden bowl-type things (they’ll be a nightmare to get home) that it felt as though we were retiring. A couple of the younger girls in one of my groups were determined not to let me leave, throwing their arms around me to try to anchor me to the spot. Still, it’s nice to be appreciated.

When we were finally permitted to leave Leo decided that he really quite likes Cinnabon after all and that we should go there for a celebratory mini pekanbon. I think next time he should go for the mega pekanbon judging by the speed with which he wolfed it down. Part way through this sugar-fest we spotted Gary the Australian and his wife so went to say hello as we were leaving. We now have an invite to theirs for lunch on Saturday which should be good. It must’ve been strange for the staff to see two seemingly unacquainted groups of customers suddenly begin talking fluently in English to one another.

Anyway, by this time my bus was just about due and sure enough it drove past as we were walking along. I set off running as fast as the ice would allow and almost made it- the bus drove off just as I was reaching the back doors. Damn you number 12.

This left me with an hour and a half to kill so I decided to go to Kofein (again!) with Patrick. Most of the time was spent discussing his delusional former host (I won’t go into too much detail in case she tracks me down and decides I’m a ‘special case’ too) before I decided to make a detour to the supermarket to buy some produkti and in the process gain a bag in which to carry my bowl. There I ran into a Russian friend so spent a few minutes chatting before going to the bus stop.

After a 25 minute wait in sub -30C conditions I decided the bus probably wasn’t coming so hopped in a taxi instead. The guy turned out to be extremely friendly, wanting to know everything about learning Russian and how he could best go about learning English. He managed to recite the months of the year as far as July, at which point he got stuck and gave up. Better than nothing though.

When I arrived home no one was in which gave me enough time to relax and warm up before they got back. EV came and checked on me before presenting me with a plate of oranges and a shot of whisky to warm me up. I have to say vodka is much easier on the palate.

Day 96: A day of too much munching 08.12.10

If I were drinking an alcoholic beverage right now, I would be toasting the fact that this morning was the last ever 6.30 wake up call for classes at the uni. If you happen to be imbibing such a drink whilst reading (come on, I know you have nothing better to do) then please, make a toast on my behalf.

Anyway, I left the house in the dark and arrived at the university pretty much in the dark. For some reason Elena Grammarievna seemed more irritated than usual, particularly with us girls who were sitting on the back row, telling us that if we wished to talk in English we should go outside to do it. We almost obliged.

After our standard extra-long tea break we decided that we probably ought to go to the oral class. The time was spent making presentations (distinctly underprepared in some of our cases, ahem…) about English national holidays and celebrations.

Of course, this was all simply a big preamble to lunch, for which Leo, Jo and I decided to frequent Cafe Gorod for a bizniz lanch. A boiling hot and painfully slow bus later and we finally arrived, managing to bag a table by the window in order to watch the snow falling outside through the plastic branches of the fake Christmas tree. Bizniz lanch was soup, a small (minuscule) salad, a small piece of chicken with rice and a drink. We munched whilst discussing a variety of topics not to be repeated here before deciding that we still had room for a Cinnabon down the road. I don’t want to think about the sheer quantity of sugar they put in one of those (even a small one) but it sure tasted good.

More unrepeatable conversation later (aka I’m too lazy to repeat it) and it was unfortunately time to go to the school. Despite having absolutely no material to work with I somehow managed to make it through the four classes without coming unstuck, and I have to say that saying goodbye to some of the kids was quite bittersweet- even if I were to return here a few years down the line I wouldn’t know most of them from Adam.

A post-teaching beverage or two had been arranged at the Irish pub a few metres away which was a nice way to spend the evening. Alas they were lacking the vital pub ingredient of a pool table but they did have chips and Heineken (mine and Charlotte’s) and Newkie Brown (Leo’s). The meat-based beer plate was somewhat disappointing but hey, you can’t win ‘em all.

I left just before 9pm to catch the bus and was back at home by 10ish. Unfortunately EV appeared not to have received my text stating that I would be eating in town and insisted on feeding me more beef and kasha. I couldn’t offend her by turning it down so ate as much as possible and deposited the rest in the bin once she’d left the room. Sneaky, eh?

Day 95: Accidentally walking on a frozen river 07.12.10

HG had decided to make it his business to irritate me before I had even been in the shower this morning by inviting himself into my room whilst I was getting ready for said shower. Even once in the bathroom he wouldn’t leave me alone- I can’t wait for locks and privacy! Breakfast was гречневая kasha, which is apparently also known as ‘iron kasha’ due, bizarrely enough, to its iron content.

After a brief chat with EV’s father about the weather (he reckons it will be -45C at the weekend- I won’t hold my breath) and my trip to Baikal, I went to meet Charlotte and Matt at the bus stop for a tour of Udachni. This was an opportunity for me to explore a little more, and with the snow falling fast in large flakes conditions were perfect. After a wander through a densely forested area straight out of Narnia we made our way down to the river. I thought given the footprints ahead of us that we were on safe ground, but after a few steps realised that we were in fact walking on water. Or ice at least. We retreated quickly and continued on higher ground, coming eventually to the roofs upon which I walked when I first arrived in summer. The scenery could not have been more different, with the sun barely poking through the snow clouds and the mountains on the opposite bank all but invisible.

We wandered a bit further before my guests departed and I returned home to change. Once again my Docs had come into their own and despite having spent around two hours up to my knees in snow my feet were neither cold nor wet. My jeans, however, were frozen solid.

A quick change and I was on the bus heading for Kofein, my standard lunch and internet venue. After this it was time to begin my final week at the school on Mira, which today was fine if a little dull. Still, I managed to avoid any awkward lulls in conversation which is basically all I’m being paid to do. I was also spared the long wait for a bus afterwards with one arriving after only a few minutes. I’m now home and sincerely not looking forward to getting up so early tomorrow as I am for some reason exhausted. Must be all that trekking through snow; it really does take it out of you.

Oh and in case you’re interested and have been paying extra-close attention (yes, there will be a test when I get home) the oven has, after three months, finally been connected! It’s nothing short of a miracle and meant that dinner tonight consisted of beef, mashed potato and what I think were cooked prunes. Either way, it was very tasty.